Gifted
I'm always astounded and a little baffled when I receive a card or a gift just for hte heck of it. I belong to a rubberstamp list whose heart is as big as its membership and it's a BIG membership. Stampers RAK each other. RAK - Random Acts of Kindness. I always wonder why I'm getting gifted, followed by a certainty that I don't deserve it. Left over, from childhood, perhaps and a mother who let me know how insignificant I am. Notice I said am and not was. Oh the damage a parent can do to you.
I tried not to do that with the sons. I tried to always have them feel good about themselves. I never told them that there was something they could not do and so now they attempt things that I wouldn't know how to begin, and they succeed.
I wonder who I would have been had I been given some self-esteem. What could I have done? Perhaps I would have made a mark on the world. Perhaps I really would have been someone other than just me. But I have to stop this pity party that is far too easy for me to throw. Instead, I need to look around me with fresh, open eyes and see what I... that wretched useless daughter of Helen... has accomplished.
I have two great sons. I raised them well and they remain close to me as when they were little. I'm their 'little mommy'. They are actually proud of me. Were proud of me even when they were in High School. Younger son once told me that the kids in his school thought I was weird but it was a good weird. Wow. If I can't be famous, weird is the next best thing.
I'm intelligent and organised. That's good. The organised part I mean. The intelligent part tends to drive me crazy with the stupidity in the world. I get frustrated but never feel superior and that I think is another plus.
I have a sense of humor. Without it I would be curled into a tight ball, sobbing in a corner.
I'm loyal.
When I make a promise I keep it.
I'm good at keeping secrets, too.
I have a way with animals. I'm the alpha at home but other animals seem to know that as well. Animals are always drawn to me, whether dog, pig or dragonfly. Heck, there's a woodchuck in the yard that will come out into the open when I'm moving around the yard. How cool is that?
I discovered that I am brave. At least when faced by a rampaging 500 pound mother sow out to protect her babies, yet I still turn to jelly when faced with the possibility of losing my home.
Now if I were to write a list of the things I'm not good at, that would roll on and on and on. I won't do that. I'm trying to appreciate what I have and what little good I can do. I don't get much of a chance to RAK, though I try. But if I try does that take the randomness out of it. Hmm. Maybe I should call them DAKs Deliberate Acts of Kindness
Speaking of kindness.... a story from my farm days.
It was the last day of the petting farm and we had a busload of special needs kids. I was with the boar, a big lazy guy who, when he wasn't chasing me around the pen trying to convince me to be his girl, just slept. A group clustered around the pen when this little boy and his aide came to the pen. The little boy was one of those special kids. He had the spindliest little legs that were twisted in a way that made walking on his own difficult so he had this wheelie walker that he was using. That in itself had to be difficult over the grass but he persisted.
He wanted to pet the boar but waited till the group at the pen moved off. Just as he headed for his chance another group came shouting up, clustering around all available pig surface, hand through the pen slats marveling over how bristly he was. The little boy looked like he was about to cry, though no tears came. I went up to that group, put my hand on two of their shoulder and asked them if they would mind stepping back just for a moment to let the little guy in. As one, the entire class stepped back and the little boy hauled himself along the pen slowly but surely and got his chance to touch the boar. The class waited, no complaints, no whining, no pushing. The little boy finished went back to his walker and the class surged forward again.
I went up to the class' teacher to her what they had done. Immediately the teacher had that 'what did they do now' look on her face and when I told her how good they had been, how kind she got tears in her eyes. I told the class that what they had done was wonderful. I even applauded them.
Kindness is out there. YOu just have to look for it.
I tried not to do that with the sons. I tried to always have them feel good about themselves. I never told them that there was something they could not do and so now they attempt things that I wouldn't know how to begin, and they succeed.
I wonder who I would have been had I been given some self-esteem. What could I have done? Perhaps I would have made a mark on the world. Perhaps I really would have been someone other than just me. But I have to stop this pity party that is far too easy for me to throw. Instead, I need to look around me with fresh, open eyes and see what I... that wretched useless daughter of Helen... has accomplished.
I have two great sons. I raised them well and they remain close to me as when they were little. I'm their 'little mommy'. They are actually proud of me. Were proud of me even when they were in High School. Younger son once told me that the kids in his school thought I was weird but it was a good weird. Wow. If I can't be famous, weird is the next best thing.
I'm intelligent and organised. That's good. The organised part I mean. The intelligent part tends to drive me crazy with the stupidity in the world. I get frustrated but never feel superior and that I think is another plus.
I have a sense of humor. Without it I would be curled into a tight ball, sobbing in a corner.
I'm loyal.
When I make a promise I keep it.
I'm good at keeping secrets, too.
I have a way with animals. I'm the alpha at home but other animals seem to know that as well. Animals are always drawn to me, whether dog, pig or dragonfly. Heck, there's a woodchuck in the yard that will come out into the open when I'm moving around the yard. How cool is that?
I discovered that I am brave. At least when faced by a rampaging 500 pound mother sow out to protect her babies, yet I still turn to jelly when faced with the possibility of losing my home.
Now if I were to write a list of the things I'm not good at, that would roll on and on and on. I won't do that. I'm trying to appreciate what I have and what little good I can do. I don't get much of a chance to RAK, though I try. But if I try does that take the randomness out of it. Hmm. Maybe I should call them DAKs Deliberate Acts of Kindness
Speaking of kindness.... a story from my farm days.
It was the last day of the petting farm and we had a busload of special needs kids. I was with the boar, a big lazy guy who, when he wasn't chasing me around the pen trying to convince me to be his girl, just slept. A group clustered around the pen when this little boy and his aide came to the pen. The little boy was one of those special kids. He had the spindliest little legs that were twisted in a way that made walking on his own difficult so he had this wheelie walker that he was using. That in itself had to be difficult over the grass but he persisted.
He wanted to pet the boar but waited till the group at the pen moved off. Just as he headed for his chance another group came shouting up, clustering around all available pig surface, hand through the pen slats marveling over how bristly he was. The little boy looked like he was about to cry, though no tears came. I went up to that group, put my hand on two of their shoulder and asked them if they would mind stepping back just for a moment to let the little guy in. As one, the entire class stepped back and the little boy hauled himself along the pen slowly but surely and got his chance to touch the boar. The class waited, no complaints, no whining, no pushing. The little boy finished went back to his walker and the class surged forward again.
I went up to the class' teacher to her what they had done. Immediately the teacher had that 'what did they do now' look on her face and when I told her how good they had been, how kind she got tears in her eyes. I told the class that what they had done was wonderful. I even applauded them.
Kindness is out there. YOu just have to look for it.
posted by ---me--- at Wednesday, November 16, 2005
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