What?! Is there a sign?

I'm beginning to suspect that there is a neon sign, spider height right, outside my bedroom door advertising a big white butt as spider food. I've been bitten again, twice, in bed the other night. Wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't allergic to spider venom and be forced to drag around all the next day with a head threatening to explode. I never really had anything against spiders. I was one of those idiots who would capture one in a napkin and carry it outside. I once even had an almost pet spider that I allowed to weave a web in the house that fleas would fling themselves at, thinking it was a trampoline perhaps, and then being devoured by the resident spider. That spider did auch a good job of catching fleas and flies that when we had a party, I put up a sign next to the web stating that I knew a web and a spider was there and please do not disturb. But that was before I became so tasty to spiders.
Come on now. It's not as if they have no other food than my big ole butt. It's a horrible year for fleas and those itsy bitsy ants that must climb up my arm when I'm seated at my craft desk. I have tried everything to get rid of those little pizy ants but they persist, marching in their straight little lines coming in from who knows where to drink at my perpetual glass of soda on the desk. I've been reduced to buying an enclosed cup with an attached straw (think adult sippy cup without the cute little decorations} because it cannot be healthy drinking a mouthfull of ants. Heyh, if watermelons can grow in your stomach from swallowing a seed and pop rocks and soda can make your stomach explode if taken forever, whose to say that those ants won't set up a colony in my stomach? So why do the spiders prefer me to a nice healthy helping of soda logged pizzy ants? (Don't know why we called them pizy ants as a kid) Must be that spider sized neon sign.