Watching
The husband and I went to one of those buffet places for lunch the other day and while he was getting his second or third helping I was free to let my eyes and my thoughts roam.
Seated within my line of vision were two mentally challenged men and their care givers. And while the en were men they were both seated in wheelchairs with a sort of tray attached and each wore a bib. The one man caught my eye because he would break into a big grin, laugh, rock a bit in his seat and then start it all over again. He wasn't disruptive, he wasn't loud. He was better behaved than some adults. Each man had a caregiver with him but the caregivers were too busy chatting or talking on the phone or anything else to give either man any attention. They weren't neglected, they were ignored.
Now I'm not pointing a finger at the caregivers. It's got to be a heartbreaking job and so I think they are entitled to a break whenever they can get it. The men had their food and were content just being.
Then the caregiver for Happy guy put a slice of cake in front of him. He did his best to use his fork. He tried and tried but the cake wouldn't give him an inch. If I had been with them, I would have cut the cake into chunks but maybe he needed the challenge, maybe he enjoyed it. He concentrated hard but kept failing only getting a few crumbs, then he picked up his cake with his left hand and put it on his fork, where it promptly fell off. Still without a sign of impatience or frustration, he picked up the cake with his free hand and ate it that way... all the while holding onto that fork.
When the husband got back I had tears in my eyes. I so wanted to go up to happy guy and give him a hug and tell him good job but I knew I wouldn't. I was a stranger and may have frightened him. That I didn't want to do. I just wanted to acknowledge his tenacity and so I suppose I am doing that here and now.
Once I wanted to work with challenged children only then they were called retarded. My mother put a stop to that saying I didn't have the strength for that. She may have been right but who knows. So I have had an affinity for the challanged and even if I only give them a smle or say hello, I hope that maybe it would have helped just a bit. We had challenged adult men working as dishwashers at the coffee shop where I worked in High School. Bobby and Vinnie. Bobby was round and cute a bubbly and told the waitresses everyday that he loved them. MOst ignored him. I would tell him that I loved him back and he would laugh, tell me he loved me and then scurry back into the kitchen. Bobby had downs syndrome.
Vinnie was a cranky type, intent on doing his job and not flirting with the waitresses. He rarely spoke or smiled but did his job well. It was easy to interact with Bobby but not so Vinnie but I made certain I always said hello, mentioned the weather or something mundane and moved on without expecting anything in reponse. Occasionally, just occasionally, I would see a smile start to creep up on Vinnie but I said nothing and just chalked that up as a win for me.
However what I hold the closest to myheart happened when I was a teenager. I was shopping when I grown girl came flying at me, arms opened and outstretched. It was clear that she wanted a hug and so I gave her one. Oh lord I have never been hugged like that again. She had her whole heart and soul in that hug and in the middle of it, she told me she loved me and so I told her I loved her back. About that time he mother came rushing up and the look on her face was heartbreaking. I saw fear, pure outright fear which I guessed was caused by her anticipating the worst kind of reaction from me. It took her a moment to register what was going on and the disbelief on her face has stayed with me ever since. It seemed her daughter was always doing that, rushing up to people for a hug. Not all people and mom never knew when it would happen but and I'm only guessing here, not everyone was receptive to hugs from a stranger.
I may sound like I'm bragging, that I'm mother Theresa or something. Lord knows I'm not. I just like to think that maybe in my small way I helped a bit. Maybe this is my way of going up to happy guy, throwing my arms around him and telling him he did a good job. After all. Isn't that what we all need?
Vinnie
Seated within my line of vision were two mentally challenged men and their care givers. And while the en were men they were both seated in wheelchairs with a sort of tray attached and each wore a bib. The one man caught my eye because he would break into a big grin, laugh, rock a bit in his seat and then start it all over again. He wasn't disruptive, he wasn't loud. He was better behaved than some adults. Each man had a caregiver with him but the caregivers were too busy chatting or talking on the phone or anything else to give either man any attention. They weren't neglected, they were ignored.
Now I'm not pointing a finger at the caregivers. It's got to be a heartbreaking job and so I think they are entitled to a break whenever they can get it. The men had their food and were content just being.
Then the caregiver for Happy guy put a slice of cake in front of him. He did his best to use his fork. He tried and tried but the cake wouldn't give him an inch. If I had been with them, I would have cut the cake into chunks but maybe he needed the challenge, maybe he enjoyed it. He concentrated hard but kept failing only getting a few crumbs, then he picked up his cake with his left hand and put it on his fork, where it promptly fell off. Still without a sign of impatience or frustration, he picked up the cake with his free hand and ate it that way... all the while holding onto that fork.
When the husband got back I had tears in my eyes. I so wanted to go up to happy guy and give him a hug and tell him good job but I knew I wouldn't. I was a stranger and may have frightened him. That I didn't want to do. I just wanted to acknowledge his tenacity and so I suppose I am doing that here and now.
Once I wanted to work with challenged children only then they were called retarded. My mother put a stop to that saying I didn't have the strength for that. She may have been right but who knows. So I have had an affinity for the challanged and even if I only give them a smle or say hello, I hope that maybe it would have helped just a bit. We had challenged adult men working as dishwashers at the coffee shop where I worked in High School. Bobby and Vinnie. Bobby was round and cute a bubbly and told the waitresses everyday that he loved them. MOst ignored him. I would tell him that I loved him back and he would laugh, tell me he loved me and then scurry back into the kitchen. Bobby had downs syndrome.
Vinnie was a cranky type, intent on doing his job and not flirting with the waitresses. He rarely spoke or smiled but did his job well. It was easy to interact with Bobby but not so Vinnie but I made certain I always said hello, mentioned the weather or something mundane and moved on without expecting anything in reponse. Occasionally, just occasionally, I would see a smile start to creep up on Vinnie but I said nothing and just chalked that up as a win for me.
However what I hold the closest to myheart happened when I was a teenager. I was shopping when I grown girl came flying at me, arms opened and outstretched. It was clear that she wanted a hug and so I gave her one. Oh lord I have never been hugged like that again. She had her whole heart and soul in that hug and in the middle of it, she told me she loved me and so I told her I loved her back. About that time he mother came rushing up and the look on her face was heartbreaking. I saw fear, pure outright fear which I guessed was caused by her anticipating the worst kind of reaction from me. It took her a moment to register what was going on and the disbelief on her face has stayed with me ever since. It seemed her daughter was always doing that, rushing up to people for a hug. Not all people and mom never knew when it would happen but and I'm only guessing here, not everyone was receptive to hugs from a stranger.
I may sound like I'm bragging, that I'm mother Theresa or something. Lord knows I'm not. I just like to think that maybe in my small way I helped a bit. Maybe this is my way of going up to happy guy, throwing my arms around him and telling him he did a good job. After all. Isn't that what we all need?
Vinnie
posted by ---me--- at Sunday, April 05, 2009
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