Owl WOman

Oftentimes I am convinced that I have some kind of cosmic kick me sign attached permanently to my back. Only this isn't a kick me sign. It's more like a "Hey! Hi! Tslk to me" sign, legible only to those who can see invisible signs or whose voices read the sign to them.
Today it was the Owl Lady.
There I was in my favorite thrift store for stuff... as opposed to clothes. Stuff is anything cool that suddenly you cannot live without, like any stuffed toy that sings or whistles or peeps or worse... sings the winnie the pooh song in a piglet voice over and over and goddamn it why won't the thing shut up already? that you stupidly buy Rocco the wonder dog just to watch him run around the yard showing all the neighbor dogs and the little goatling, what he's just been given. Or forks, key chains, plastic animals.... stuff like that.
So there I was perusing the stuff and wondering at the person who made a cigar box purse BUT neglected to a) switch around the top of the box so that the opening of the purse is to the top and not on the bottom and B) why there was no clasp at all to keep the lid shut no matter which way round you carried it. I was minding my own business, came around the corner and was way laid by the OWL WOMAN. Not that she was an owl or looked like an owl. Instead she found this god awful hard plastic owl that hooted when you turned it on. If that wasn't bad enough the thing's head turned white it hooted and the hoot was more of a breathy kind of hoo hoo sound that would have had real owls looking at each other and uttering WHAT in stead of hoo. Owl woman was enraptured of the owl and insisted on hooting it for me. I smiled, made some innocous remark and head on my way. Or so I thought. Owl woman followed chattering about owls and her neighbor and Halloween. I managed to lose her in the men's underwear aisle (who would buy used, elastic sprung out not quite whitey or even tighties anymore but baggy and grayies just doesn't have the same ring as tighie whities.
Thinking I was safe, I zipped around another corner heading for craft supplies, mostly yard and ugly ribbon, when...OH MY GOD! I was owled again. Owl woman popped up in front of me asking me if I had seen this... the owl... and making it hoot just for me. It was obvious she had forgotten she had ever spoken to me before. Then I got a good look at her. THink Carol Burnett doing a take off of Norma Desmond with the mascara stripes and the lipstick wandering off mouth and heading straight for the ear.
Now I can't be for certain but it certainly looked as if Owl woman's eyebrows were applied using a sharpie, in the dark, during an earth quake. One eyebrow attempted to follow the ridge of the brow but the other one was making a break for it and was planning to hide out in the woman's hair. Very bleached blonde with very dark roots.
She way laid me three more times before I decided to pack it in and go check out. I doubted I could stand one more Hee Hee from the owl and..... there I was... heading for the cashier. The coast was clear. I made it. I started unpacking my cart and..................
Yep. I got hoo's once more. I was partly convinced that when I arrived home the woman would be waiting for me with that god awful owl.
No fear. I'd just pull out Rocco's piglet and pooh her hoo.

Stuff and nonsense

What a disappointment the opening ceremonies were for the Olympics. Somehow I expected something flashier, or maybe gaudier, from the chinese. Big scrolly things and people running around on a ball that looked like ants on a peach just did not do it for me.

The goatling nest door (his name is B by the way) is no longer a sad goatling in his pen AND he has found himselof a herd of sorts if one goatling and a small long haired dog can be considered a herd. Little goatling won't stay in his pen so he doesn't. Instead he roams the yard and bleats for his people to let him into the house. So now I deon't feel so badly for him. He even has a place in their basement to sleep. I thought I'd get much more of a chance to get my fingers on the goatling when his people went on vacation but the 18 year old son is staying home and he will care for the goat. RATS. Foiled again.

In my neck of the woods, oldeest son is growing a beard with a definitely piratical look to it. All clipped and neat and in a line. If I could figure out how to draw on this, I could illustrate but for now lets just say I like the look of it. Of course the husband has had a beard forever but that's because he has a non existant chin. Luckily both sons are chinned.

I swear that on the Vonage phone commercial the guy says that the regular phone company "Nipples and dimes you to death" and while i'm not quite sure how you nipple someone, it is intriguing to just think about. Also summer must be apostrophe breeding season because I find them cropping up on signs where they shouldn't be. Usually to make a word that is supposed to be plural, possessive instead. Free kitten's make me wonder just what personal belonging of a kitten is free or the kitten is.... what. Random wandering apostrophes and the near extinction of the adverb as we all drive "safe" Now I worked in a bank with a safe inside a vault and the library had a little safe in which to stash the fine money but I had never dreamed that they coould be driven. I wonder how many miles to the gallon a driven safe gets. And I am still toying with the idea of buying a cheap doll to tear apart so that the next time I need to fill up my tank I could tell the gas station guy that I wanted an arm and a leg worth of gas and drop those parts on the counter. Of course some of the attendants I've run across would have to have the arm and a leg explained to them and where's the fun in that?