Adventures in refinancing
We are trying to refinance our mortgage. I think it would be easier to sprout wings and fly than to do this. We've been told that we are approved and yet something new crops up to push things back. Now I wouldn't mind so much if we really didn't desperately need this money. I have one bill collector who keeps calling who can't seem to get it through his, or should I say their collective heads, that I don't HAVE the money to pay the bill. No matter how much he/they threaten me, I can't pull the money out of my ass and pay the bill. It makes me feel so much like poor white trash no wonder my head was spinning this morning.
I wrote about my adventure in head spinning this morning but I see that it hasn't shown up. Let's just say that it was an experience I do NOT want to repeat. I felt as if I were spinning with my eyes closed and when I opened them the room was spinning and swinging and generally making me nauseous. The sweat sprang out all over my body, too warm and clammy. My stomach clenched.... Let's just say that actually vomiting helped somewhat. The husband...aka Michael... thought I was just hungry. I did eat but still have that disconnected feeling that has gotten worse after the call from the bill collector.
I want to be amusing. I want to write lovely phrases that will stick in peole heads. I don't want to write about vomiting all over my face and discovering how much the toilet stinks when I had to hug it this morning. I want to wax poetic about my love for my sons, not whinge about how I am sick of being poor, of never having a pot to piss in and because of that feeling as if I am not deserving of anything good or pleasureable in this life.
I can't go out to eat without feeling as if I don't deserve it. I can't go to a dollar store without feeling as if I am wasting the money. I can't get my meds because my insurance lapsed and even if I did that wouldn't help the situation. Instead I moan and whine and bitch and while it usually makes me feel better tonight my head is starting to spin again. Let's hope this one makes it into my blog.
I wrote about my adventure in head spinning this morning but I see that it hasn't shown up. Let's just say that it was an experience I do NOT want to repeat. I felt as if I were spinning with my eyes closed and when I opened them the room was spinning and swinging and generally making me nauseous. The sweat sprang out all over my body, too warm and clammy. My stomach clenched.... Let's just say that actually vomiting helped somewhat. The husband...aka Michael... thought I was just hungry. I did eat but still have that disconnected feeling that has gotten worse after the call from the bill collector.
I want to be amusing. I want to write lovely phrases that will stick in peole heads. I don't want to write about vomiting all over my face and discovering how much the toilet stinks when I had to hug it this morning. I want to wax poetic about my love for my sons, not whinge about how I am sick of being poor, of never having a pot to piss in and because of that feeling as if I am not deserving of anything good or pleasureable in this life.
I can't go out to eat without feeling as if I don't deserve it. I can't go to a dollar store without feeling as if I am wasting the money. I can't get my meds because my insurance lapsed and even if I did that wouldn't help the situation. Instead I moan and whine and bitch and while it usually makes me feel better tonight my head is starting to spin again. Let's hope this one makes it into my blog.
posted by ---me--- at Monday, December 05, 2005
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