Depths of despair

This will be very depressing but I need to get it our of my system. My head is still whirling but I can't sleep any longer.
I have labrythitis which sounds like some made up condition but has to do with the part of the inner inner ear that is at the base of the skull. It's a viral inflamation of that.
I spent a whole day vomiting and wishing I was dead.
Now I just wish I was dead.
We got a dhl delivered letter from the mortgage company wanting its two back mortgage payments by the 14th. Our home equity people call daily. I think the cable is going to be shut off which means no computer. Christmas is coming and I can't even get to the shed to drag the tree and stuff in let alone WANT to bother with decorating and all that other crap.
No news from the refi guys which means NOT a good answer. I'm quessing something screwed up last minute like it always does and we are royally SCREWED!!!
Casey's car is dead and he can't think of getting another till MIchael gives him his back pay, nor can he look for a job without transport. MY car needs an exhaust system. It's drivable if you want to asphixiate yourself.
I' too dizzy to even look for a job should some one want to hire me. I want to scream and cry and just lay down and never get up again. I HATE THIS!!!!!
If I wasn't feeling so awful maybe I could think striaght and come up with a solution for this but I can't. All I can do is try to focus my eyes and fight the tears.
Whatever I did in my last life to earn this life I am heartily sorry.