Feeling sorry for myself

I feel the need to whine and play pity poor me. Since I have no friends I can turn to, or would turn to to unload my crap on them, I will unload my crap on the anonimity of blogger. So I would suggest that you stop reading this right now.

My world is falling apart and I don't know what to do. We owe money to everyone and our busniess has collapsed. I need someone to put their arms around me and stroke my hair and tell me everything will be alright, even if it isn't. I have no one I feel free to talk to. I talk to the husband but don't want to unload it all on him and I can't talk to the sons because, well I'm the mom and I'm supposed to be strong. It's not as if we had a splendid life style. We haven't. The house is a dump, the money is always scarce and I feel like nothing more than poor white trash. LIke I'm not allowed to be happy because we can't pay our bills. I try to be upbeat and think positive thoughts but I fail at it misearbly I want to scream and whine and rage.

Everything was fine until the beginning of the year when we were screwed out of a $30,000.00 commission and then 3 smaller ones. We were doing business with Korean business men and mistakingly thought that their word was worth something and so the husband didn't go that extra step to have everything spelled out in a contract. So since the husband was working on these deals the rest of the business dropped off though I handled my part. But we aren't getting the phone calls and the money isn't coming in and if we had gotten the monies due us we could skate till things picked up. It was stupid of us to assume someone has integrity because of their ethnic background. Apparently the Koreans don't want to save face the way the japanese do. It's not their fault, it's ours We trusted the wrong people.

Since this is the beginning of the month all the creditors are calling and I can't get away from it. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It isn't helping. So I'll stop and crawl back inot he bathroom where I've been spending a good deal of my time.

I think he's spending....

too much time with the cats.
It was early this morning and the sun was coming in the front windows. The men were still asleep and it was me and the dogs. Little dog Ollie was stretched out in a splash of sunlight while Rocco the wonder dog looked for a place for himself. Rocco's a biggish sort of dog at 75 pounds and he reminds me of scooby doo. So there'
s this sizeable dog sighing heavily and wandering from spot to spot unable to find just the right spot when he stops by a basket of laundrey waited to be folded. He gave it a good long sniff, stuck his nose in the basket to move that sweater there and that pant leg there and then he climbed into the laundry basket and settled himself down. Of course bits of him hung over but all in all he seemed quite pleased with himself and his basket. After all if the cats can sleep on laundry why not Rocco. Other than the fact that he looked quite ridiculous and I must admit that I laughed too much to get off the couch and head for the camera. One of these days, when he's not looking I have to get a shot of him and his basket overflowing with dog butt.