Freezing my whoopie de doodles off
The furnace crapped out on us last night. The blower blows, cold air and the piolet light is on but the burners don't light and the only hot air in the house is the husband. The same intelligent, wise husband who has a contract with the electric company so that they come and fix it for free...well free after the price of the contract which is something like $80.00 a year. Good thing, too, this guy has been here for about two hours now and since the regular price is $79 for the first hour and $40 for each 15 minutes afterwards we'd have to sell one of the sons to pay the bill. I'm assuming that we won't be needing a new furnace, I figure the guy wouldn't be spending so much time here if we did.
I wonder if he IS a licensed plumber. After all, there isn't a butt crack in sight, not even a suggestion of one. Surely any plumber worth his monkey wrench sports a jaunty butt crack.
One summer, the neighbor guy across the street masqueraded as a plumber and I swear no matter which way I was heading home, up the street or down, his butt crack was aimed in my direction. Someone suggested the next time that I saw it I should insert a quarter and see what I get. Hell, that baby coulda taken a whole dollar bill.
But there he was strutting his stuff. The guy is built like a pigeon, all chest and gut sorta pouffed outward and leading him. White as the pilsbury dough boy, hairless chest, thinning hair and a pony tail that looked like a long string of something unmentionable. Why do aging thin haired guys think a pony tail is so cute? The guy is in his late forties and with the butt crack, the pigeon strut and the bioluminescent body, no one is going to see the pony tail and swoon into his arms. After all this guy and h is wife named their son Indiana James after they went to an Indiana Jones movie when she was pregnant. The Indiana Jones move where we all learned that Indiana was the name of the guy's DOG. So Butt Crack guy and his wife Hag named their kid after a dog. Hey, they named a daughter Mystery. That opens up all kinds of cans of worms that some mean spirited person could throw around the room and drape all over everything. I won't it's not the kid's fault her parents try so hard to be so low class.
Ok enough ranting from me. I .. I.. I feel HEAT!!! Warmth! Sustinenence for a cold weenie such as I! Halleluiah I bow down before the mighty fixer man who IS a plumber even without the officious crack and worship at the altar of HEAT!
Yeah yeah yeah. I got carried away.
I wonder if he IS a licensed plumber. After all, there isn't a butt crack in sight, not even a suggestion of one. Surely any plumber worth his monkey wrench sports a jaunty butt crack.
One summer, the neighbor guy across the street masqueraded as a plumber and I swear no matter which way I was heading home, up the street or down, his butt crack was aimed in my direction. Someone suggested the next time that I saw it I should insert a quarter and see what I get. Hell, that baby coulda taken a whole dollar bill.
But there he was strutting his stuff. The guy is built like a pigeon, all chest and gut sorta pouffed outward and leading him. White as the pilsbury dough boy, hairless chest, thinning hair and a pony tail that looked like a long string of something unmentionable. Why do aging thin haired guys think a pony tail is so cute? The guy is in his late forties and with the butt crack, the pigeon strut and the bioluminescent body, no one is going to see the pony tail and swoon into his arms. After all this guy and h is wife named their son Indiana James after they went to an Indiana Jones movie when she was pregnant. The Indiana Jones move where we all learned that Indiana was the name of the guy's DOG. So Butt Crack guy and his wife Hag named their kid after a dog. Hey, they named a daughter Mystery. That opens up all kinds of cans of worms that some mean spirited person could throw around the room and drape all over everything. I won't it's not the kid's fault her parents try so hard to be so low class.
Ok enough ranting from me. I .. I.. I feel HEAT!!! Warmth! Sustinenence for a cold weenie such as I! Halleluiah I bow down before the mighty fixer man who IS a plumber even without the officious crack and worship at the altar of HEAT!
Yeah yeah yeah. I got carried away.
posted by ---me--- at Friday, January 20, 2006
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home